More sex data
by Robert Hedges ©

Types of couples | criticism | aggression | bliss | orgasm | fantasy | Ego and beliefs | Women | Dr Helen Kaplan said: | Alex Comfort said: | Kinsey in 1948 said: | ten common guilt trips | female sex statistics | old time sex crimes | bliss | sex4 page |

There are four types of couples:
  • volatile couple - frequent tension (delight in one another-passionate & exciting) equals
  • avoidant- conflict minimizers
  • validators- calm. at ease, keen ability to listen & understand
  • communicators, conferencing during quarrel - compromise, no shouting matches.

    Among couples complaint to your mate is healthy, and is the opposite of suppression. Criticism can be positive, and lead to growth, if the spirit is constructive. Do not use arguments as a way to retaliate or exhibit a superior moral stance. Do not allow feelings of contempt, which may result in frequent psychologically insults and name calling: hostile humor; mockery; insulting body language; which leads to defensiveness & pleading innocent. Mutual admiration & complements are lost, positive quantities are forgotten. The focal point becomes abusiveness, with an absence of empathy; defensiveness; denying responsibility; making excuses; disagreeing with negative mind-reading; cross complaining (irrelevant non-linked responses) repeating yourself.

    Aggression in intimate relationships is a common way to deal with fear. Anger and hostility are interpreted as rejection. Hostility is an outgrowth of feelings of fear. Respond to hostility with a hug.

    Acknowledging and applying understanding is a powerful healing tool in an intimate relationship. You may be psychologically aroused, but do not attack or ignore the point of view espoused by the spouse.

    Marital bliss based on abundant sex and regular prayer results in a reported very happy marriage in 72% of couples responding. When bonding is good, sex is good. Conversely 52% of the responding couples reported neither good bonding or good sex.

    The average male has _____ orgasms per year.

    The following lists are Male/Female percentages.

    Those individuals who have frequent fantasies have :
    • sex more often,
    • engage in a wider variety of erotic activities,
    • have more partners &
    • masturbate more often than infrequent fantasizes.
    • male fantasy occur 7.2 times per day with four external triggers.
    • female fantasy occur 4.5 times per day with two external triggers.
    • males imagine doing something to a woman and focus on her body. (.7 waist: 1 hips ratio is universally sexually alluring)
    • females imagine being done to and on a partner's interest in her.
    • Leitenbere & Henning - Psychological Bulletin.
    • bondage is abandonment of the pursuit of self-esteem.
    • spanking - a spanker is seen as warm, loving, understanding, and parental, thus a masochists finds it thrilling to be spanked.(I am personally a bit more "vanilla" but this is a quote)

    Males and females have different ego bases for see :
    • MALE - power, achievement, conquest =
    • FEMALE - love, loving, being loved =
    • As recently as 1880 MALES believed that duties of women in marriage were : submission, honesty, providing pleasure. How does this compare to their ego basis ?
    Questions for women in a marriage :
    • do you know your favorite fantasies ?
    • do you deal with : stress, depression, being dispirited ?
    • do you understand low sex drive ?
    • do you know he feels about money ?
    • do you know how he feels about time/space ?
    • do you understand fairness, communication, sharing, caring, giving, support ?
    Women should be prepared to :
    • Commit:
    • develop individual and oneness maintainence as well as friends.
    • avoid competition with him.
    • give priority to him.
    • keep your sex life flexible & spontaneous.
    • be open to change and communicate.
    • seek help if it's needed and communicate.
    • fantasize but do not be seduced.
    • nurture love within family, for children and also for the pair.
    Dr Helen Singer Kaplan, New York, on MARRIAGE:
    • marriage is understanding, effort, priority, giving, approval for weakness
    • communications is the biggest complaint.
    • too much truth in a realtionship is detrimental - do not ease your conscience by putting a heavy burden on your mate.
    • stay-at-home-wife is more likely to have difficulties.
    • more money means longer marriage and more stability.
    • sex life is a factor in marriage longevity - false
    • strongest emotion in causing an affair is anger.
    • one affair is allowed after 30 years - true
      • danger signals are:
      • guilt - confession will clear your conscience
      • forgivness oroginates within
      • hurt is caused from without
    • second marriages are more likely to end than first
    • stressful tie before divorce
    • friends are necessary to be available for talkout periods
    Alex Comfort on SEX:
    • All humans are sadistic, narcissistic, masochistic, bisexual.
    • Sexually free people tend to be more compassionate
    • Normal sex is anything that :
      • both partners enjoy,
      • that hurts no one,
      • that does not create anxiety or limit the scope of either participant.
      • might include costumes, roll playing, bondage, oral, anal, massage.
    That famous 1948 Kinsey Report said:
    • 86% had tried premarital sex by age 30.
    • 37% had a homosexual experience w/ orgasm.
    • 70% had a contact with a prostitute.
    • 97% had broken the law sexually.
    • 17% (male) + 4% (female) had tried bestiality.
    • 40% had affairs outside marriage.
    • 75% had two minute orgasms.
    • 70% of couples used contraceptives
    • 30% used the pill.
    Ten common Guilt trips :
    • 1) lots of partners
    • 2) woefully experienced
    • 3) self body hate
    • 4) shame over fantasies
    • 5) abortion
    • 6) masturbation
    • 7) lying about satisfaction
    • 8) Sexually transmitted disease
    • 9) rape victim
    • 10) abuse victim
    Statistics from a survey of women in England.
    • 50% masturbated to orgasm
    • 95% orgasmic during masturbation
    • 50% had intercourse before marriage w/ 2 in 3 reaching orgasm
    • 90% tried oral sex
    • 85% violated sex laws
    • 70% average womans success rate to orgasm
    • 25% tried anal sex under age 30
    • 20% has homosexual contact
    • 14% had multiple orgasm
    • 10% non orgasmic
    SEX Crimes of the 1600s :
    • dallyance diverse tymes
    • committing the act of uncleanse
    • allurement and enticement
    • lude behavior uppon a bed with diverse
    • lascivious speeches allso spoken
    • unchaste.
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    Last modified: October 1996